Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Why "F" is the new "How 'ya doin'?"

I work in a convenience-store/gas-station where the atmosphere is ... shall we say, informal. Not 2 say "chaotic." Not that I'd Xpect NE1 2 walk in wearing a suit & tie, or formal dress. & every time some1 comes-in all dressed-up I assume there's a dance going-on somewhere or some1 got married.
Things R usually pretty down-2-Earth & direct, especially on wknds when mosta R customers really let their hair down. On a recent Fri nite, some of the louder customer conversations started me wondering if we could mayB reduce the # of words in the English language, since there's 1 word that works so clearly & directly 2 illustrate SO MANY situations. 1 conversation went almost Xactly like this (lightly censored 4 reading by NE1, tho I'm tempted 2 just spell it all out):
(LOUDLY) "F, man! How the F are ya?"
"F, man, I haven't seen you in F'in forever! How the F you been, bro?"
"F'd like usual, man. Same old S...."
"You still F'in workin at that same F'd-up place?"
"F, no, man! They F'in laid me off last F'in winter! It's the F'in economy!"
"It's gone right down the F'in toilet!"
"You're F'in tellin me?!"
"So what ya doin right now, man?"
"F'in gettin drunk, man!"
"I F'in figure why not? With the F'in economy down the S'er, every nite's a party nite, right, F'er?"
"MFer.... So you still livin with that same F'd-up blonde?"
"F ... yeah."
"How's that F'in workin?"
"It's F'd, like always!"
"Dude, WTF? What's F'in wrong, isn't she takin her F'in meds anymore?"
"F'in A, of COURSE she's takin her F'in meds -- but they make her F'in WORSE!"
"That is F'd up, man...."
"Look, F'er, I gotta get F'in goin or she's gonna start F'in callin me & then she'll have all the F'in knives out when I F'in get home...."
"Oh, F. OK, man. Look, I'll F'in call you, OK?"
"Yeah, you F'in do that. Or just F'in come by the F'in house. I mean, she gets a little F'in squirrely sometimes, but usually it's pretty F'in cool around there."
"OK. Well, I'll F'in see ya, F'er."
"Sounds F'in cool, bro. You got my F'in number?"
Just a few mins later a girl of mayB 13 barged thru the front door, oblivious 2 every1 around her, while she screamed in2 her cellphone: "Well, you just F'in tell them to F'in F Off!"
...Now, don't get me wrong here. I support vivid, clear, direct communication, whether it's in writing or face-2-face. I don't swear 2 much myself, tho I've gotten worse in the past few yrs. But 4 awhile that Fri nite at work I thot I was in the middle of some uncensored SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE skit, something w/ a title like "The F-Bomb Family" -- where everybody yells constantly & every other word is a variation on the F....
George Carlin useta say something about how F was the most flexible word in the English language -- that it can B used 2 Xpress anger, suprise, awe, agreement, disbelief, even pride. & I hear it used in all those ways & more on my avg Fri nites....

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