Tuesday, April 24, 2012

#551: 2 months on Match.com!

Maybe it woulda gone better if I'd posted a photo quicker.
On the other hand, that mighta made it worse....
Awhile back I decided maybe I wasn't dead after all (romantically speaking), that I'd probly never get all my Issues with my old girlfriend cleared-up 2 my complete satisfaction, & that I was probly lonelier than I'd ever admit.
So after shopping around 4 a bit, I decided 2 put myself out there & joined Match.com, an on-line dating website.
I was XTREMELY nervous about this, so I joined 4 a month at a time, which cost me more. I ended up spending $70 I couldn't really afford, but I learned some things.
I learned that on-line dating has as many rules & points of etiquette as Real Life. That it's just as complicated. That there's just as much mystery & missed connections & questions. There's probly just as much lying 2, but I didn't Xperience that part -- I don't think....
I didn't get 2 meet anybody in Real Life, I didn't go out on a date, it was never even close. At the end of 2 months I gave up, Bcos it never got any better. I was warned not 2 get my hopes up 2 high -- that women dating on-line were liable 2 B REALLY cautious. They WERE, & I don't blame them.
I Xchanged e-mails with 4 or 5 very nice women. But it never went anywhere. They mostly decided I was not the guy for them, & that's fine. I decided 1 woman definitely was not the right gal 4 me.
Any mess-ups were entirely my fault.
I made 1 BIG mess-up early:
It took me A MONTH 2 post a photo.
This is probly the single most important thing I learned: I am a COMPUTER IDIOT. Obviously I know enuf about computers 2 get in trouble with them -- but it took me A MONTH 2 figure out how the webcam on my laptop could be used 2 take photos. It was staring me right in the face the whole time, but I couldn't find my way in2 it, couldn't figure out how 2 access it. When a friend finally showed me how -- & it took less than 10 seconds -- I felt like a complete high-tech moron.
By then the damage was probly already done. I'd had a good time writing a personal profile 4 the site, listing my likes & hopes & dreams & preferences.
But then I learned lotsa women won't respond or even notice a guy who doesn't post a photo. Not fair, but there it is. So I was kinda in a panic about that. I can see how posting a photo lets the ladies out there know that you're not really The Elephant Man ... & on-line dating is all about looks & mutual interests & chemistry, etc. So....
So I finally got a photo posted a month in2 the Xperience -- & then women in my area learned that ... I REALLY DO LOOK LIKE THE ELEPHANT MAN! With a photo posted, I had more women looking at my profile -- at least 2wice as many! ... but fewer women seemed intrested in e-mailing/talking.
By then I had noticed other things about the dating site that struck me as funny, & I updated my profile 2 make note of them. This was probly a bad mistake. But I was trying 2 impress the ladies with my wacky sense of humor, don't ya know. Probly shoulda backed off on that 1, but it's 2 late now....
Like, 4 instance: 90 percent of the women on the site woulda LOVED romantic walks on the beach with an attractive, financially-secure, emotionally-available, passionate mate who Doesn't Play Games.
Well, WHO DOESN'T? But how many of them R available?
So I sorta made fun of that, & then talked about the Reality -- which is 2 say, me.
Tried 2 keep the laffs going: "I've got a job, so I won't be begging you for money!"
"Never been arrested! Haven't had a traffic ticket since 1980!"
"Don't smoke! Don't drink! Nothing stronger than coffee!"
"Boring! Quiet! Loyal as a puppy dog!"
I really tried 2 sell it, such as it is. I was probly a little TOO honest.
1 very nice woman said she absolutely loved my profile -- it made her laff a lot. But she was looking 4 some1 whose income she could retire on....
Hey, I'm looking 4 some1 whose income I CAN RETIRE ON, 2.... Can't really blame her, I guess.
1 of the neat things about dating sites is that every day they point you toward profiles -- little autobiographies -- of folks they think you might B compatible with, based on yer intrests, likes & dislikes, etc. At 1st I was fascinated by those profiles. Some of them were VERY intimate, like reading poetry. Some of these women had obviously thot about what they wanted quite a lot....
Then the profiles started getting kinda same-y. EVERYBODY wants romantic walks on the beach with an attractive, financially-secure etc. etc. etc....
I started skimming the profiles. I stopped bothering 2 read profiles written by women whose photos made them look older than my mother. I stopped reading profiles that had misspelled words in them -- yes, ME, having issues with bad spelling! I KNOW! Unfair, impatient, uncaring -- but true.
Some of the profiles were actually 2 sad 2 read. More than 1 Asian lady wrote that they wanted -- I PROMISE I'm NOT making this up -- "A nice man. Man who don't drink too much. Man who don't smoke too much. Man who not yell. Man who not angry all time. Man who don't want sex first thing. That not first thing I want."
I felt sorry for those women. I thot they painted a real clear picture of what their previous relationships were like -- of what A LOT of relationships seem 2 B like these days....
Don't get me wrong -- it was a fun Xperiment. I might even go back 4 more. But I coulda bought a lot of books & music 4 $70, so I think I might just rely on Reality 2 meet new women from now on.
Dating sites R full of people (women, at least) who still believe in The Myth Of Love -- in Chemistry, in Meeting The Right One, The Love Who Will Last Forever.
Hell, I still believe in all that. At least I WANT to. I probly shouldn't have made fun of it. Even in the intrest of Keeping Things Light.
Because Life doesn't get much more Personal than that.


R S Crabb said...


I'm still figure out the new Blogspot. Saw your comment in the other blog and yes Levon Helm played Loretta's Dad on Coal Miner's Daughter.

Dating sites are hit and miss. Had good luck with American Singles back in late 90s and met a couple nice women out in Portland at that time. Then I went to Mingles when AS went pay. Met a drug addict from Seattle in 2001 that had snakes for pets, first time we got together it was fine, second time was hell. I think she later died of a OD.

If you really want somebody bad enough it's possible a dating site can help although it's not a cureall. Mingles has fallen into disrepair, but most of the friends that I made over there I have as FB friends. That's where I met my GF there too. But it's different when your chatting up a storm for 10 years online, it's another when you have to be with them realtime more often than not. I figure if things don't work out, then I'll end up being a lone crabb rest of my years. Match.com? Good luck with that and hope you find that special one TAD!

drewzepmeister said...

Hang in there, Tad. I still believe there is somebody for everyone.

My last three relationships, I met online. The first one was through the typical blogger circles (She will remain anonymous, to avoid drama) Even through it was a long distance love affair, it was a very deep and intense relationship. Sadly, things didn't turn out.

The second one was through Yahoo Personals. That didn't too well at all...She was just too wild and crazy for me.

The third one was from another site. She the one I've been living with for almost two years now. She's very loyal and amazing, accepts me for who I am, not how she wants me to be. I see us lasting awhile...

Tad, just be yourself and love will find you.