Thursday, July 28, 2016

40 rotten Beatles songs

Awhile back, inspired by a silly book on the same topic, I posted a list of my 100 favorite Beatles songs.
It was exhausting. It took too much thought.
Last night, thanks to my girlfriend, I started wondering about my LEAST favorite Beatles songs -- and surprisingly it took no time at all to come up with 40 Fab Four songs I pretty-much hate.
If you ask my girlfriend which are her least-favorite Beatles songs, she'll say "ALL of them." I still hope to convert her thinking on this. But instead, how about if we hand her some ammunition...?
Let's face it -- it's easy to see now, 50 years later, that The Beatles were a HUGE hype. It's OK now to come out of the closet and admit that you hated them all along. We're not here to judge you. And you can confess your sins in the COMMENTS section below. (Oh, wait, there's a line....)
Here's my Fab Four Bottom 40. Join me?

1. Revolution 9. No surprise. Technically this isn't a song, it's a "sound collage." Doesn't matter. Goes nowhere, does nothing. For eight minutes. Far Out, man. Art, did you say? I'll get my gun....
2. Mr. Moonlight. This is more like it. Or rather, LESS. Ghastly, sung with overweening unctuousness by John. And WHO is responsible for that horrible organ noise in the middle?! Lotsa laffs.
3. Sexy Sadie. This is a mean, ugly, hypocritical song. Very unlike John to censor himself, but maybe if he'd called it "Maharishi" (which was the original title) I'd like it more. At least it'd all be out-front that way.
4. From Me to You. Is this the most boring Beatles song ever? Well, not when there's....
5. Blue Jay Way. Foggy, dull, endless. Don't be long, George.
6. Love Me Do. Wow, what a way to start out. Surprised they even HAD a career, after this. The B-side, "P.S. I Love You," is actually pretty charming....
7. Michelle. Using a foreign language as a mood-change or a "surprise" in a song never works. Never. And this is SO sugary-sweet. McCartney's worst.
8. Girl. John at his most sexist. Ugly. But then there's....
9. Run for Your Life. I actually sort of like the tune. But the emotions expressed are repellent. John admitted he could be a pretty ugly, jealous lover.
10. All You Need is Love. Other than the French national anthem, what has this hippy mishmash got going for it? Besides, they were wrong.
11. Savoy Truffle. George warbles about Eric Clapton's developing dental problems. Gruesome.
12. Wild Honey Pie. And the point is...?
13. Honey Pie. McCartney's '20s-music obsession must be stopped.
14. Any Indian-influenced song sung by George. 'Nuff said.
15. Drive My Car. This stupid song originally had a much-different set of lyrics that made the title metaphor droolingly obvious. But stuffy old producer George Martin refused to have anything to do with the original, and ordered the boys to rewrite it. Only one line in the released version survived from the original: "Working for penis is all very fine...." It's still stupid. And the melody's wretched. (You don't want me to post the original lyrics. Or maybe you DO, you nasty thing.)
16. Here, There and Everywhere. So sweet, so sunshiny, so sugary, it's always a downer.
17. Good Day Sunshine. And here's its stable-mate, also from REVOLVER. Drop these two and that album would have been way better....
18. Day Tripper. I can almost enjoy the sly lyrics. But except for that repeating guitar riff, the tune is bottom of the barrel.
19. I Should Have Known Better. Always stodgy and boring. And it means nothing. Even John hated it. And he wrote it.
20./21. Act Naturally, Honey Don't, and any other country-influenced song sung by Ringo. Buck Owens and Carl Perkins were not scared by Mr. Starkey's attempts to become a country crooner. Ringo does have one good song, though. One. "Don't Pass Me By" isn't too bad.
22. Good Morning Good Morning. All the worst to you each morning!
23. Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite! Brilliant fairgrounds production. But a flimsy excuse for a filler track on SGT. PEPPER.
24. She's Leaving Home. I've always hated this gloppy, over-orchestrated piece of dreck. Might have been a little less gloppy if George Martin had done the string arrangement. And the lyrics can't save it.
25. Strawberry Fields Forever. Sure, this was a brave experiment. But experiments fail all the time. This isn't a pleasant piece of music, and the universe it takes us to is grey and dull and boring, no matter how much it meant to John. I'm sure I'm among the vast minority here.
26. Get Back. I admit this is a big blank-spot with me. But it's dull and shuffly and sloppy. Who cares?
27. Flying. First heard this dull almost-instrumental two weeks ago, and I've already forgotten about it. So did they.
28. Fixing A Hole. McCartney's mind wanders. Next!
29. Your Mother Should Know. This might have been better if Paul had bothered to finish WRITING it. A verse and a chorus aren't quite enough. And the period charm doesn't rescue it.
30. The Fool on the Hill. Always hated this middle-of-the-road mood-music "classic." Stupid. Wow, the Fool's so DEEP, man....
31. Across the Universe (original version with birdies and kiddie choir). If Phil Spector did anything right, at least he beefed up this fragile classic from John. The version we all know better from LET IT BE is superior in every way.
32. Octopus's Garden. A feeble rewrite of "Yellow Submarine."
33. Why Don't We Do it in the Road? Now here's a blues for ya, not too far away from John's "Yer Blues." John was reportedly hurt that he wasn't asked to join in. But Abbey Road studio was like a revolving door back in those days....
34. Another Girl. Kinda standard, kinda dull.
35. Hey Jude. Other than that endless na-na-na refrain, what has this got going for it? And it's sloppy.
36. Don't Let Me Down. This is just sloppy, no matter how much it meant to John. And it's always a downer.
37. Lady Madonna. Another leering barrelhouse rocker from Paul. The lyrics are kinda creepy, and the charm wore off damn quick.
38. You're Going to Lose That Girl. Another wretched filler for HELP!
39. Long Long Long. Dull, long-winded George. Next....
40. Good Night. Wow, John could be sentimental and syrupy, yes? Good thing he had Ringo's fog-horn voice to cut through all that....
Have I forgotten any? Please submit your nominees in the space below....
(Written while half-asleep, so there'd be no regrets....)

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