Tuesday, March 28, 2017

The latest rock 'n' roll fake-news

In honor of April Fool's Day:
* The three surviving members of Pink Floyd have decided to reunite for one last album.
Bassist and former leader Roger Waters announced today that the iconic '70s classic-rock band will team up to record ANIMALS 2, a sequel to their angry 1977 faux-punk-rock record ANIMALS.
In a nod to George Orwell's classic satirical novel ANIMAL FARM, the earlier album metaphorically looked at humanity as being composed of Pigs, Dogs and Sheep -- which were also the song-titles on the album. The often-cynical Waters joked that the new album would be a "kinder, gentler" look at mankind -- and said proposed song-titles include "Cowsies," "Horsies" and "Kitties."
Waters also promised the new album would feature more "killer" Dave Gilmour guitar solos. Classic-rock-radio programmers immediately took notice.
The new album will mark the first time the three remaining members of Pink Floyd have recorded together since 1982's downbeat THE FINAL CUT, an album Waters admitted they'd all really rather forget about -- even though he wrote almost all of it.
* A noted music-producer admitted this week that all current pop music is "faked" by a small group of singers and musicians at a single New York City recording studio.
"Adele, Beyoncé, Nicki Minaj, Katy Perry, Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga -- it's all the same people," claimed producer Eric "Bad Boy" Baddeley in an interview with the current-music website MEANINGLESS. "There's a reason it all sounds the same -- DUH!"
* Sir Paul McCartney has finally admitted that talented-but-tragic early-'70s British pop band Badfinger was really the Beatles in disguise.
"We just wanted to see if we could make the magic happen again," McCartney told DATED magazine. "We'd been taking ourselves too seriously, 'ya know. We just wanted to have some laughs -- get that old rock-and-roll feeling back again."
But McCartney said the public called the band's bluff -- Badfinger's singles were so popular, a band of that name had to be put on the road, and that's when the project spun out of control.
Music-biz pros liked the "band," too -- '70s singer-songwriter Harry Nilsson had a Number One, Grammy-award-winning hit with Badfinger's song "Without You," allegedly written by band "members" Pete Ham and Tom Evans.
McCartney said the song was actually written by John Lennon.
"Yeah, that was about a bust-up he had with Yoko," the Beatles bassist said. "But John thought it was a little too slushy and sentimental, too melodramatic 'ya know, so he didn't want to put it on one of his solo albums. I dunno -- I woulda sung it. I've always liked slushy, sentimental melodrama."
* Beatles drummer Ringo Starr has admitted the REAL Paul McCartney died in 1966 -- just like conspiracy theorists thought at the end of the '60s.
"We really WERE trying to send messages on those later Beatles albums," Ringo said in an interview with the webzine PAST IT. "We were all in shock. We didn't know how to handle it."
Ringo confirmed that all the "Paul is Dead" "hints" on late-'60s Beatles albums were planted there by the surviving band members -- on purpose.
"That line in 'A Day in the Life' -- 'He blew his mind out in a car,' that's EXACTLY what happened," the all-star drummer said. "We just thought we were on God's biggest roll -- and then THAT happened. There's no way to recover."
The Fab Three ended up hiring a dark-haired, left-handed bass-player who could sing a little -- and that lookalike has been "playing" Paul ever since, Ringo claims.
"Even his wife Linda never knew he wasn't REALLY Paul," Ringo said.  
* Sammy Hagar has suggested touring again with Van Halen -- with David Lee Roth along as a dual lead-vocalist.
Lawyers involved in the matter said the explosive line-up will never take the stage -- mainly because Hagar and Roth have already started arguing behind the scenes about who will be allowed to hog the spotlight the most.
Asked for comment, whiz guitarist Eddie Van Halen merely rolled his eyes heaven-ward and suggested that maybe his ex-wife Valerie Bertinelli would be willing to step in as lead singer.
Bertinelli couldn't be reached for comment, as she was busy touring with Heart.

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